Why I’ll Die on the Thrift Hill: A Rant for the Broke, the Brilliant, and the Bold

Shopping is Shopping


 

Let’s get one thing straight: expensive doesn’t mean better. I’m so tired of people acting like the only things worth having come with a price tag large enough to make your bank account weep. The obsession with high-end everything has become some weird social disease. Why drop $100 on jeans when you can thrift name-brand ones for under $10? Because it’s “cool”? Because it’s “popular”? Sit down.


Seriously. If that $120 candle doesn’t come with a mortgage payment or emotional support, I don’t want it. $1 candles smell just fine and still set the mood—whether that mood is relaxation or rage cleaning is up to me.


And yes, I’m loud about it. If someone asks where I got my jeans, I’ll say the thrift store without blinking. The people who scoff usually do so right after asking where I got them. Like, didn’t you just want to know? Now you got answers and attitude? Pick one.


Let’s talk treasure: I once scored a fully functional La-Z-Boy microfiber couch for $25. No stains. No smells. No rips. Three seats. Both ends reclined. Middle console flipped down for drinks and snacks. That couch lived with me for five years and was hands-down the best $25 I ever spent. Chef’s kiss.


I thrift because it’s fun. The inventory changes constantly, and the prices make me feel like I’m cheating the system. Sure, there’s some junk—but you don’t have to buy the broke or the dirty. Use common sense. Wash it when you get home. Sanitize it. Then enjoy the fact that you just saved $60 on a brand-new looking bookshelf. Why keep working just to go broke trying to impress people who don’t even notice your new shirt?


And don’t think I only thrift in person. I’m clicking “add to cart” on Shein, Temu, and Wish like my rent depends on it. You think I’m gonna pay $300 for a designer look when I can pay $30 for a knock-off and still get compliments? Hell yes I’m choosing the budget version. Give me three while you’re at it.


Now, I didn’t just grow up this way. It wasn’t built in—it was earned. I’ve had family straight-up act like they needed a hazmat suit when I said I thrift. “Oh... I could never.” Cool, Karen. Nobody asked. I’m not shopping for you.


What I am shopping for is value. I don’t wear dresses, I don’t follow trends, and I’m not gonna drop half a paycheck on a brand name just because some influencer told me to. I like pizza more than people, and you know what? I still manage to find affordable outfits that feel like me. And that’s enough.



Also, let’s be real: if you’re scared of gently used items but have no problem drinking questionable water, eating genetically engineered food, or slathering your face in mystery makeup, then maybe rethink where you draw your “ew” line. Don’t thrift used underwear—we can all agree on that. But a jacket? A coffee table? Grow up.


Here’s the final truth: You’re not better than anything. You’re just someone who decided to spend more of your hard-earned money on something I didn’t. And that’s fine.


But don’t get it twisted. I thrift because I’m smart, not because I have to. And I’ll wear my $4 jeans with pride while your overpriced pants dig into your regrets.


See you at the checkout—mine’s under $20.

If I made you laugh, cringe, or question your entire existence—consider tossing a tip my way.

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