“Calm Down” & “You Look Tired” — Oh, You Wanna Get Smacked Today?

 Let’s just get into it. Because I know I’m not the only one who hears these two phrases and immediately questions every life decision that led to this moment.

You ever get told to “calm down” when you weren’t even mad?

Yeah? SAME.

Apparently using a serious tone or speaking like an actual adult equals "danger, danger—she’s about to flip a table!" No, Brenda. I’m not mad. I’m just not sugar-coating it for your comfort today.

It’s wild.

I'm over here calm as a monk, and someone says, “Calm down,” and suddenly I’m not anymore. You know how hard it is to keep your cool when you're already calm and someone tells you not to be not calm? That’s like someone handing you a fire extinguisher when you’re just lighting a candle. Why?

No one—and I mean no one—has ever “calmed down” after hearing that phrase. It’s never worked. It’s not helpful. It’s just the fast-pass lane to me becoming exactly what you think I was being.

Say anything else! Say, “Hey, you okay?” or “You’re sounding a little spicy, what's up?” I’ll take that. But “calm down”? You’re basically asking me to start windmilling.

And then there’s the “you look tired” people.

Let me just say this once:

I do look tired. Because I AM tired.

Not just physically—I’m tired in my soul. I’m a 32-year-old married mom of three, running a small zoo and managing the chaos of online school while trying to keep some shred of myself intact. I'm not tired because I didn’t sleep. I’m tired because I exist.

But here’s what they really mean when they say it:

“You look like you’ve been dragged through life backwards and forgot your makeup bag on the way.”

But instead of saying that, they wrap it in fake concern like a passive-aggressive Christmas present and drop it in your lap mid-conversation.

You think I don’t know I look tired? I saw my reflection this morning and said “yikes” out loud. You’re not alerting me to a national emergency. You're just announcing that I don’t look put together enough for your aesthetic preferences.

And yes, I want to clap back with, “You look rough too, but I’ve got manners,” but I don’t. Because I’m tired, remember?

Honestly, can we all just agree to stop? Don’t tell people to calm down when they’re not heated. Don’t point out how tired someone looks unless you're offering caffeine and childcare. Or snacks. Snacks work too.

Just be a decent human. Ask how someone’s doing. Offer kindness instead of commentary. Because no one wants to be told they’re tired and dramatic while they’re quietly holding their sanity together with caffeine and vibes.

If I made you laugh, cringe, or question your entire existence—consider tossing a tip my way.