Vacations: The Exhausting Journey to Pretend You're Relaxing

 Ah yes, vacation. That magical time when we convince ourselves that spending thousands of dollars, packing half our house, and dragging it to another zip code will somehow equal "relaxation."

  Spoiler: it doesn't!


•The Packing Panic

The idea of vacation? Lovely. The reality? An anxiety-riddled scavenger hunt for matching socks and chargers that don’t exist. Trying to pack clothes for everyone, hoping you don’t forget anyone’s underwear, allergy meds, or sanity? Instant panic attack.


•Cold Weather Getaways Should Be Illegal

You want me to leave my warm home, pay to be cold, and call it a getaway? Absolutely not! If I have to wear more than one layer to survive your vacation plan, I’m staying home.


•Sightseeing Is Boring. Yeah, I Said It

If I wanted to quietly admire a wax figure of someone I don’t know, I’d scroll Instagram. Give me go-karts, zip lines, animal encounters—something that doesn’t feel like a slow school field trip led by a retired librarian.


•Group Vacations = Stress With Extra Steps

Adult daycare with added scheduling conflicts. I didn’t spend all this money to watch other people argue about dinner reservations. I came to escape people, not coordinate with them.


•Unplug… But Like, Strategically

“Disconnect to reconnect” sounds poetic until you need the GPS or Wi-Fi to check if your hotel has bed bugs. Unplug AFTER you arrive and BEFORE you leave. Those are the only safe windows.


•Drinking On Vacation? Miss Me

Why spend a chunk of your overpriced adventure feeling nauseated or missing out because you got brave with a daiquiri? I want memories I remember, not pieced-together regret.


•Pre-Vacation Rage Is a Real Condition

Booking the place, doing the mental gymnastics of everyone's schedules, making sure everybody’s packed—it’s pure rage. And guess who gets blamed when anything’s forgotten? That’s right. Mom.



So yeah. Vacation? Cute in theory. Overrated in practice. But hey, at least the photos look good on the fridge until next year’s disaster.


…Oh shit. Did I even take pictures??

If I made you laugh, cringe, or question your entire existence—consider tossing a tip my way.

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